


Silhouettes

by WordsInTimeAndSpace



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Post-Time War, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:10:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4528521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsInTimeAndSpace/pseuds/WordsInTimeAndSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor ended the Time War, but he has a price to pay. Stuck in the Void, his life seems doomed - until one day he meets Rose Tyler despite all circumstances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution to Eight x Rose August. This will be two parts, plus an epilogue (probably). Thank you to rudebutstillginger (on tumblr) for the beta!

The first time Rose saw the Doctor it saved her life, although neither of them realized it.

In another time line, one where he didn’t suddenly appear at the other side of the room, pale and see-through like a ghost, she would have hurried to get out of the door. Her colleague would stop her, and she would take the lottery money, get into the elevator to the basement, and never come back.

(In yet another time line he would be there to save her, wearing a different face and a grin on his lips. He would grab her hand and take her on the greatest journey she ever had. But in that time line he had escaped the time war, and wasn’t that just ridiculous?)

When he appeared for the first time, it was just for a fraction of a second, but it was enough to startle Rose. She stopped dead in her tracks and stared at the other end of the room, her heart racing in her chest. The space where he had appeared was empty. Rose blinked in confusion, but when she opened her eyes again there was still nothing. Her brow furrowed, and she was about to blame her exhausted brain for making up this illusion when he appeared again.

He blinked into existence, flickering and fuzzy, before his frame manifested. And then he was there, the image of a man worn out by life, his body translucent as if he was nothing more than a projection.

Rose held her breath, waiting for her eyes to stop fooling around with her, but he stayed where he was, not moving an inch. He was facing away from her, and Rose took a second to consider his appearance. Short brown hair, with the strands curling at the back of his neck. He was clad in a leather jacket, the fabric worn out and dirty in a way that made it look like he was wearing it as armor. Something in his posture reminded her of a soldier, although his slumped shoulders didn’t look like he was expecting a victory. It looked more like he had already lost.

Slowly, carefully placing one foot before the other, Rose approached him. He didn’t turn around, not even when Rose cleared her throat. She wasn’t sure if he was aware of his surroundings at all.

Curling her hands into fists to gather the necessary courage, Rose finally spoke up.

“Hello?” she said, her voice shaking, but it was loud enough for him to hear it. He flinched. Slowly he raised his chin, as if he was seeing the department store for the first time, and then he turned around, so warily that Rose didn’t dare to breathe.

Their eyes met for a second. It was barely enough for Rose to see how his eyes widened in surprise, how his brow furrowed and how he opened his mouth to speak, and then he was gone. He vanished, as if he’d never been there. Rose stared at the empty spot in shock, her rapidly beating heart the only remainder of this odd encounter. She blinked, but when he didn’t come back she let out a slow breath and turned to leave.

It must have been her imagination, she tried to convince herself. But that didn’t explain why his face haunted her dreams for weeks.

~~~

Rose never knew that he had saved her life, not even when her coworkers disappeared one after the other, until one day Henrik's was stormed by an army of men with guns and red caps who closed the whole place down. Her mother called every single government agency out there, but no one wanted to tell her what UNIT actually was, until Rose finally gave up and accepted the fact that she needed to find something different to do in her life.

Neither her mother nor her boyfriend were very excited about what she had in mind. And so she found herself up at the roof one day, quietly crying after a bad breakup with Mickey and an even worse fight with Jackie, her arms wrapped around her body to provide a bit of warmth during the dusk. Rose sniffled, wiping her nose with a tissue when she heard it.

“Oh,” a voice said, full of surprise, and Rose whirled around to see him.

He looked exactly like he did the last time, still clad in the same clothes, although had been weeks. And, most importantly, he was still transparent, the last few sunbeams of the day shining right through him.

Rose scrambled to her feet, turning to the stranger who let his gaze wander around until his eyes settled on her.

“It's you,” she breathed out, her voice barely more than a whisper. “You're the bloke I saw at work once. I thought I was going mad.”

The man tilted his head, wrinkling his forehead. “Did you? I apologize, I'm afraid my memory is a bit hazy.”

“Who are you?”

“That is a very good question,” he said slowly. Rose shook her head in confusion.

“But you've got to have a name.”

“You can call me the Doctor,” he finally said, after a few seconds of silence. “I'm still debating whether I should be allowed to call me that, but I think it's all right for now. And you are?”

His considerate gaze made Rose’s heart race in her chest, but she held her head up high as she answered.

“I'm Rose. Rose Tyler.”

“Delighted to meet you, Rose,” the Doctor said, a soft smile appearing on his lips for a second. “Now, if you could answer me one question: where are we? Is this Earth?”

“Of course this is Earth,” Rose said, raising an eyebrow at him. “Where else would it be?”

The Doctor shrugged. “Considering my current whereabouts, this could be everywhere. Everywhere in the universe, in every possible universe, I suppose.”

“And where are you?”

He hesitated. His gaze met hers, and Rose’s breath hitched when she got a closer look at his pale blue eyes for the first time. Although his face was young, he had the eyes of an old man: tired and resigned, as if he had watched centuries pass by. But there was something intriguing, something that made it impossible for her to look away. His chest heaved as he sucked in a breath, before he let it out without a sound. His silhouette faded, but Rose nevertheless caught the last words that came over his lips before he was gone.

“I'm in hell.”

~~~

She didn’t have to wait long until she saw him again. Barely two weeks after he had appeared on the roof, Rose nearly ran into him while walking down a street in the middle of London. Her gaze was fixed on the sheet of paper in her hands – a list of directions she was trying to follow – when she noticed a flash of light in the corners of her eyes. She looked up, only to stop abruptly and stumble back when the Doctor was suddenly standing right in front of her.

She let out a sound of surprise, and that was enough to get his attention. The Doctor turned his head in her direction, watching her warily for a few seconds before the tension left his face.

“Rose,” he greeted her with a nod. Rose let out a breath, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart.

“Hello, Doctor,” she said, letting her gaze sweep over his body. Still the same. Leather jacket, short brown hair, a tired expression on his face, his frame as translucent as ever. “Maybe you shouldn’t appear in the middle of a street where a girl can run you over.”

His lips twitched, just for a second. “First, I have no control over any of this. Second, I doubt that you could run me over.”

Before Rose knew what she was doing, she raised a hand. “Can’t we…?” she asked.

The Doctor shook his head. “Just an image. No touch, I’d assume. Not that I’ve tried it.” He finally turned properly to her, raising his hand to meet hers. Slowly, his hand approached hers, until it was hovering only inches above her skin. Gathering all her courage, Rose closed the remaining distance between their fingers – and her hand went straight through his. A spark went up her arm, and Rose jerked her hand back. She shivered, watching her fingertips for a moment before she turned her gaze back to him.

He was watching her with a sad smile. “More or less what I was expecting,” he said. “Like I said, it’s not that I’m actually here.”

“But how are you here? You look like a ghost. And why is no one freaking out?” Rose asked, looking around her. People rushed past them in the busy street, not paying the slightest bit of attention to the odd pair.

“I’m not sure they can see me,” the Doctor said after a few seconds of silence.

“Great. So everyone thinks I’m a lunatic, standing in the middle of the street and talking to myself.”

“We can walk, if that makes it better,” he offered, raising an eyebrow in question. “It looked like you were going somewhere.”

Rose nodded, and they continued to walk, side by side. She shot him a glance, biting her lip, unsure if she was allowed to ask. She did it anyway.

“You didn’t answer my question,” she said, waiting for a second until he looked at her. “How can you be here?”

“I don’t know. I definitely shouldn’t, although I have to say this is a refreshing change to what I’m used to.”

“I still don’t understand where you are. I don’t believe in hell, you know.”

The Doctor looked amused. His lips curled into a smile, although it didn’t reach his eyes. “Did I say that to you? A bit melodramatic.”

“Yes.” Rose’s brow furrowed. “That was two weeks ago; how did you forget that?”

“It may have been two weeks for you,” the Doctor corrected. “Time doesn’t exist in the Void. That's where I am, stuck between life and death, between existing and not existing, between this universe and all the others. There’s no time, there’s no space, because the Void is literally nothing. I’m existing beyond all of creation. That comes close to hell, I’d say.”

Rose’s blood was pounding in her ears. The look on his face made her heart clench, and she wanted to reach out for him with trembling hands until she remembered she couldn’t touch him. “How?” she finally said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “What happened to you?”

“There was a war. I ended it, and everyone died. Except me, but I suppose I got what I deserved in the end.”

“Don’t say that,” Rose begged, tears gathering in her eyes.

“Why shouldn’t I? It’s true. They’re all gone, because of me, because of what I did. There’s no one left.”

“There’s me,” she said, giving him a smile when he looked at her. His features softened, but then he shook his head.

“You should forget me, Rose Tyler,” the Doctor said, and with that he was gone.

~~~

“How did it go?” he asked, and Rose jumped, spilling her tea all over her jeans.

She cursed, quickly grabbing a tissue to wipe up the mess, before she turned to look at him. He was standing on the other side of the coffee table, looking at her with a curious expression on his face.

“What?” she asked. Her brain needed a second to catch up with what happened. Here he was, looking battered and transparent and gorgeous as ever, standing in her living room like he was just popping over for tea.

“Last time we saw each other, near Oxford Street, wasn’t it?” he said, waiting for her to nod before he continued. “You were going somewhere, somewhere you haven’t been before, as you were following a list of directions. You were nervous; I could see that in the tension of your shoulders. And you looked nice. Not that don’t look nice usually, really, you look lovely, but you dressed up. So, my guess would be: job interview?”

Rose stared at him for a second. He raised an eyebrow in question, and Rose couldn’t hold back her laughter any more. She giggled, falling back onto the couch.

“Did I say something wrong?” he asked, a smile tugging at his lips.

“No, it’s just… this is so weird,” Rose said when she calmed down. “Us, talking about that. But it was a good guess! It wasn’t for a job interview, but for admission to a school. I’m going back to get my A levels.” She bit her lip, nervous about his reaction.

The Doctor’s face brightened; something she had never seen on him before. It made him look younger, more alive, and it was the most beautiful thing she could imagine.

“Oh, that’s brilliant!” he said. Rose blushed, despite the doubts gnawing at her self-confidence.

“We’ll see how that goes,” she said. “Not sure if I'll be good enough. I mean, I'm just a shop girl from the estates, yeah? My mum says I'm just wasting my time.”

“Oh, but you're clever, Rose Tyler.”

Rose felt her cheeks heat up as her blush deepened. She bit her lip, not sure what to say. “You don't know that. You don't know me, not really,” she finally said, keeping her gaze fixed on the mug in her hand.

“I'm very certain I see enough to say that. You’re going to be fantastic,” the Doctor said.

The sincerity in his voice finally made her look up. Their eyes met, and the Doctor smiled at her in a way that made her heart beat faster. Rose couldn't help but smile back.

She was still smiling when her mother came home and entered the living room around ten minutes later. “What's got you into such a good mood?” Jackie asked, flinging her bag onto the armchair.

Rose shrugged. “Nothing,” she said, her eyes still fixed at the spot on the other end of the coffee table.

~~~

As strange as it sounded to her ears, Rose felt like they settled into a routine.

She wasn't startled any longer when the Doctor suddenly appeared, and instead she would greet him with a smile, excitement coiling in her stomach at the sight of him. He would return the smile, tentatively at first, until his smiles grew wider, in a way that made his whole face light up and the skin around his eyes crinkle. It was the expression in his eyes, the only place that these smiles didn't reach, that reminded her that nothing in their relationship could be considered normal.

He was there when she walked home at night, and he was there when she took the bus into town. At her first day of school, he was there to encourage her when she stood in front of the building, self-doubt making her heart race. When she got her first A on a maths test, he was there to tell her how proud he was. The tone in his voice made her blush, and a warm, fuzzy feeling spread in her chest that stayed there for days.

Sometimes, he would be there when she woke up. It was a little unsettling, the first time it happened, to wake up and feel his eyes on her. The Doctor's cheeks had flushed red as he started a lengthy apology, until Rose broke out into giggles and told him he had nothing to worry about. It wasn't like it was his fault. And after the first time, it was kind of comforting for Rose to wake up and see his face first thing in the morning, a smile spreading on his lips that was different to his usual ones. It made him look younger, softer somehow, as if he was at peace with his life. She never wanted to see another expression on his face.

It wasn't that he was there all the time. He rarely appeared twice a day, and usually a few days passed between his visits. Sometimes it was a week, sometimes a little more, but he quickly became a constant companion in her life.

At first, she didn't realize she was falling in love with him. And when she did, she already knew there would be no way back.

~~~

Rose's laughter echoed through the night; coiling in her stomach before it spilled out and she burst into giggles.

“You're kidding!” she gasped as soon as she could breathe again. “There's no way that actually happened.”

The Doctor smirked, his eyes on her as they were walking through the deserted street. It was an unusually warm spring night, and Rose was walking home from the pub where she had met with friends. She felt a little tipsy, but in a good way; the way where the world was bright and colourful and gravity felt lighter than usual. The Doctor had appeared in the middle of a card game, and had silently watched her with her friends until Rose had called it a night.

“It did! That were his exact words, but no one could take him serious with that abomination of a hat on his head. I admit that I've had a questionable fashion sense in the past, but I've never reached that level. It was awful. But as the president of the planet no one ever dared to mention it to him.”

Rose burst into another fit of giggles, swaying a little on her feet.

And that was when another voice disturbed the quiet of the night.

“Hey, lovely, you want to share that good mood of yours?” a man called, the voice hard and slurring in a way that made Rose flinch. She whirled around, her eyes wide.

The man was approaching her with broad steps, not stopping until he was standing right in front of her. Rose stumbled a few steps back, trying to put some distance between them. From the corner of her eye she could see how the Doctor's body went rigid.

“Rose-” the Doctor started, reaching out for her.

“What do you want?” Rose said to the stranger, her voice calm as she desperately tried to keep her anxiety at bay.

“I just want to get to know you. That dress is hot,” the man slurred, and Rose took another step back. Her heart was racing in her chest and she curled her hands into fists.

“I should really get home,” Rose said, turning to leave, but the man rushed forward and grabbed her arm. He roughly pulled her back, and Rose let out a cry as he slammed her into the wall next to them. Pain shot through her back, making it difficult to breathe for a second. Rose tried to pull out of his grip, but his fingers only tightened around her skin.

“Let her go!” the Doctor shouted, although Rose was the only one who could hear him. He darted forward, ready to tackle the attacker – and his translucent body went straight through him. The other man let out a grunt, wincing at the contact for a second. He loosened his grip around Rose's arm, and that was enough for her to pull free.

“Run!” the Doctor yelled, and Rose obeyed.

She darted down the street without hesitation, running as fast as she could until her lungs burned. But she didn't dare to slow down, not until she reached the familiar surroundings of the Powell Estate. She hurried over the street, taking a second to look back to make sure she wasn't followed, and ran up the stairs to her flat.

With shaking hands she unlocked the door, and when it slammed shut behind her she finally stopped to catch her breath. Sinking to the floor with the door at her back, Rose gasped for air and waited for her heart rate to slow down. Her mother was staying with her boyfriend, so the flat was dark and empty and did nothing to calm her.

It wasn't until the Doctor burst into the room after her, dashing straight through the wall, that she felt the tension roll off her. At the sight of him, his expression somewhere between worried and furious, Rose directly burst into tears.

The Doctor was at her side within a second.

“Rose, are you hurt?” he asked, crouching down next to her. Without thinking he reached out for her, moving his hand to cup her cheek, but his fingers glided right through her flushed skin. Rose flinched at the contact, a shiver running down her spine, and the Doctor jerked his hand back.

“Talk to me, please,” he begged. Rose gulped down a sob, wiping the tears off her cheeks.

“I'm alright,” she said, her voice shaking. “It's just the shock, I think.”

She took a deep breath and looked up at him, just in time to see a flash of relief on his face. She managed to give him a weak smile, but his features stayed tense. He stared at her for a second, his eyes roaming her face and cataloging every little bit of her expression, until he was convinced that nothing had happened to her. Letting out a breath, the Doctor got to his feet, turning away from her and rubbing a hand over his face.

The expression on his face scared her, and Rose scrambled to her feet, her distress suddenly forgotten.

“Doctor?” she asked, but he didn't turn around. She saw his shoulders shake and tentatively took a step forward. “Is everything all right?” Her voice was small, but the Doctor heard her nevertheless in the quiet of the flat.

He let out a dry laugh, whirling around to face her. The look on his face made her breath hitch, but not in the way it usually did. This time it was the raw pain in his features and the utter desperation in his eyes that made it impossible to breathe.

“You ask if everything is all right?” he asked, his voice a pitch higher than usual. “No, Rose, nothing is alright. You could have been hurt; you could have been killed, and there was nothing I could do. The only thing I could have done was stand there and watch you die. I can't even comfort you because I can't touch anything due to my persistent non-existence in this universe.”

“But I'm fine, Doctor,” Rose said, tears welling up in her eyes again.

“I've lost so many friends in my life,” the Doctor said, and the pain in his voice made her heart clench in her chest. He sounded so lost, so terrified, so weary of life. “I couldn't save any of them, no matter how hard I tried. I can't let that happen to you; I couldn't stand it without losing my mind. But in the end there would be nothing I could do.”

His voice broke and he covered his mouth with a hand as his shoulders shook with silent sobs. Rose rushed to his side, nearly reaching out for him before she let her hands fall down to her side.

“Doctor, please look at me,” she said, and after a few seconds of silence he finally took a deep breath, calming down slightly. “I'm alright. Everything is going to be all right.”

“You can't know that,” the Doctor said.

“You said it yourself last week, I'm dead clever, so you should listen to me.”

The Doctor let out a laugh. His chest heaved as he took a deep breath, and when he slowly let the air out of his lungs his features seemed to relax with it. Rose took a step closer to him, only a few inches separating her face from his.

“We're gonna be alright,” Rose said again, and the Doctor nodded slowly. His eyes finally focused on her, and Rose broke out into a smile. She bit her lip, suddenly self-conscious. The Doctor raised an eyebrow in question.

“I wish I could hug you,” she said, feeling her cheeks flush pink.

The Doctor's lips curled into a smile. “Believe me, Rose Tyler, there is nothing I would rather do.”

It was only a while later, when Rose was tucked up in bed with the Doctor lying next to her, his eyes closed and his face unusually relaxed, that Rose doubted her own words. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she watched the Doctor slowly fade away, and that was one of the moments where she didn't know how they could ever be alright.

~~~

One time, she asked him why she was the only one who could see him. He was silent for a long while, staring down the roof onto London, while Rose kept her gaze fixed on his face. She didn’t like to not look at him, when he was there. She never knew when he would be gone.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “Do you believe in soul mates?”

Rose contemplated his question for a minute, but then she shook her head.

“No,” she said, wondering when she had reached the point where she dismissed this idea. Had he asked her a year earlier, she would have said yes, she thought. Maybe she had grown up without realizing it.

The Doctor turned to her, a sad smile on his lips.

“Me neither.”

~~~

Weeks with the Doctor turned into months, which turned into a year. Rose couldn't believe how much time had passed, but at the same time she couldn't imagine a life without him. Every day spent with him made her life a little brighter, and the sight of his face alone was enough to make her heart speed up. When he smiled at her, she could nearly forget how much she craved to touch him, properly, with his skin on hers. It made her heart hurt to think about how much she missed contact like this. But it wasn't like they could change anything, so she tried not to dwell onto it too much. He was still her best friend, and more than that, although she didn't dare to say the words out loud.

Spring came with rush of exams, summer came with graduation, tough decisions, tons of applications and the exhilarating prospect of a new chapter in her life. And then September came, and Rose found herself standing in front of the largest building on the university campus one morning. It was the first day of the semester, and Rose stopped to take a deep breath. 

Students walked past her, but she hardly noticed them. She stared up at the building, barely able to believe how far she had come. She couldn't help but grin at the thought, excited for the time ahead of her. But all the excitement aside, she was feeling anxious as well. Rose shifted her weight from one foot to another, glancing around at all the unfamiliar faces. No one stopped to talk to her. It was nearly time for the first class to begin.

Rose sighed, trying to push away the thought of how much she wished for a hand to hold. She slowly started ascending the stairs, and was nearly inside the building when she felt something change. It was like a wisp of wind; a tingling on her skin. Rose whirled around and there he was, standing at the bottom of the stairs and inspecting the people rushing past him, looking a little lost and confused.

Quickly, Rose rushed to his side.

“Doctor!” she said, and that caused him to look up and greet her with a smile.

“Rose,” he said, a little distracted. He tore his gaze away from her, studying the building behind her. Rose could see how the realization hit him.

“Oh, right! I remember. University College, yes. I've been here before, a long time ago. Well, into the future, actually,” He tilted his head, lost in thought.

“Yeah,” Rose grinned, excitement bubbling inside her. “It's my first day.”

The Doctor finally returned his gaze to her, his face lightening up. “Oh, nice timing from my side, don't you think?” He looked a little smug, and it made Rose laugh.

“It's good to see you,” she grinned. “But you're actually a little late.” She cast a glance at her phone, wincing. “I'm afraid I've got to go. Don't wanna be late.”

Rose didn't miss the flash of disappointment crossing his face. But he just nodded, burying his hands in the pockets of his coat and watching her with a proud smile. “Good luck. It's going to be great, you'll see.”

“Yeah,” Rose smiled, hesitant to say goodbye to him so quickly. They made a few steps into the direction of the building, side by side, but then the Doctor fell back.

“See you later,” the Doctor said.

Rose turned back to him, giving him a tongue-touched smile. “Not if I see you first,” she grinned. His laugh followed her as she ran up the stairs.

She didn't see him again for a year.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the second part! I didn't want to split it, although it is a little longer than expected. Well, I'm sure no one will mind. The epilogue should be up somewhere in the next one or two weeks! Thank you for reading!

Rose was used to missing him.

She never knew when he would be back; if it would be a day or two or maybe a week. When he wasn’t there, she missed the sight of his face and the way he smiled. She missed the sound of his voice and his laughter, brightening her day every time she heard it. Missing him was especially bad in the evenings, when she lay awake in bed and wished for nothing more than to hear his voice right before she drifted off to sleep. It was especially bad when she had a tough day and all she wanted was a hug, his arms holding her close to him so she could burrow her nose in the crook of his neck and blend out the world.

Distraction was the only thing that made the aching easier; when her life was so busy she barely had a free second to think of him. Starting university was probably the biggest distraction she could imagine. It was thrilling and challenging and exhilarating, and she threw herself into the whole freshman experience without a second thought.

More than two weeks passed before she had a quiet moment to herself and realized how long it had been since she last saw him.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and Rose was lounging in bed after sleeping in that morning, reading a trashy sci-fi novel when a line about a dazzling alien made her giggle. She couldn’t help but think of the Doctor, and that was the second she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. An unsettling feeling spread in the depths of her stomach. Rose furrowed her brow as she started counting the days.

Sixteen. She hadn't seen him for sixteen days. 

Rose couldn't remember the last time he had been gone for so long. She slowly put the book down, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Anxiety spread in her chest, making it hard to breathe. She jumped up with a start and began pacing the room, her mind whirling with possible explanations for his absence. None of the scenarios in her head made her feel any better, and the guilt that it had taken her sixteen days to realize something was off tugged painfully at her heart.

But in that moment there was a knock at her door and Jack barged in, giving her a toothy grin. She and the handsome American had a few classes together and had become fast friends in the last days. Jack used every opportunity to coax her with the promise of free drinks to the nearest party on campus, and despite her distress Rose let him drag her along, hoping music and alcohol would take her mind off the Doctor. It did help to keep her panic at bay, but it barely numbed the longing until it came back with full force the next morning.

A month passed, without any change. Rose was constantly on edge, and sometimes she didn't even want to sleep, too scared that she would miss his appearance. The thought that there was nothing she could do drove her up the wall. She went into the library and left with a stack of books, deciding to throw herself into studying, even if the first exam was still weeks away.

Two months passed. The Doctor was still gone, and if someone had told Rose how much it could hurt to miss someone before she’d met him, she wouldn’t have believed them. But it did hurt more than she could imagine. One night when it was especially bad, Rose called Shareen and Keisha, met them at the pub in a desperate attempt for distraction, got terribly drunk terribly fast and ended the evening by bursting into tears.

Six months passed. Rose decided that she should move on, and she failed desperately. One night she had a nightmare, dreaming that she would forget his face, that there would be no sign left of him in her life. She woke up with tears on her cheeks and darted out of bed to get her sketchbook, drawing the Doctor’s face until the sun went up. The sheets of paper with drawings of him soon covered her whole desk. People started to ask questions, but she didn’t have any answers, neither for them nor for herself.

Slowly, a year passed. Rose finished the first semester and went on with the second. She wrote exams and made friends and moved out of the dorm. Life went on, even without him, although Rose never stopped missing him.

Sometimes she thought that she had imagined him. Sometimes she thought that she was going mad. But none of it changed the way she felt about him. The feeling that something, someone, was missing in her life never went away. The Doctor was gone, and he had left a gaping hole behind.

But then, finally, on a Tuesday morning at exactly a quarter past eight, he was back. 

~~~

Rose yawned as she poured herself a cup of coffee. Still half asleep and dressed in her pyjamas, she took a tentative sip, careful not to burn her tongue. She put some bread in the toaster and stretched her tense muscles. Her flatmate Martha, in comparison to her definitely a morning person, had already left the flat, but Rose still had another hour until her classes started. 

The caffeine slowly woke her up, chasing away the last remains of sleep. Rose ran a hand through her tousled hair and opened the fridge in search of the jam. The bread popped out of the toaster just as she found it, and Rose turned away from the fridge, shoving the door closed with her bum.

Her blood froze as she laid eyes on a very familiar man standing at the other end of the kitchen.

The cup of coffee and the jar of jam she balanced in her hands crashed to the floor, making the Doctor wince. He looked up, startled, as if the noise had pulled him out of a daydream. The Doctor’s brow furrowed as he swept his eyes over her, but then his lips curled into a smile. 

“Hello,” he said, in his most casual voice, as if it was a perfectly normal thing that he joined her for breakfast. Rose could only stare at him in shock.

Her eyes wide, mouth hanging slightly open and blood pounding in her ears she let her gaze wander over his translucent body. He looked like always, as if no time had passed. When her eyes returned to the Doctor's face, his smile had turned into a frown.

“Rose, are you alright?” he asked, making a few steps into her direction. The worry in his voice made her heart clench. She shook her head, her mind blank as she tried to come up with an answer. She felt like she was dreaming; like none of this was real. The Doctor's frown turned into downright concern, and with two broad steps he was at her side.

“What's wrong?” he asked in alarm. Rose gulped, taking a deep breath. She wasn't sure if she could trust her voice.

“It's you,” she finally said, looking up at his face. Tears burned in her eyes.

“Of course it's me,” the Doctor said, letting out a confused chuckle. “Have you expected someone else? Some other ghost-like visitors that I don't know about?”

His smile faded as Rose didn't answer. Instead, she suddenly started crying, relief and confusion and happiness all mixing together into an overwhelming mass of emotions.

“Rose, I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?” the Doctor asked, the tone in his voice slowly getting desperate. He reached out for her, but pulled his hand back before he touched her. “Please, tell me what's wrong.”

Rose gulped down a sob and blinked away tears until she could see his blurry face.

“It's been a year. A year since I last saw you,” she managed to say, her voice shaking, and the Doctor's face fell. He stared at her in disbelief.

“A year?” he repeated, as if he hoped he'd heard her wrong. But Rose nodded.

“I... it's never been so long. I thought I'd never see you again. I thought that whatever it was that made you come through just stopped, that it was over.”

She desperately tried to hold back tears, her hands shaking as she ran them over her wet cheeks.

“It's alright. I'm here now,” the Doctor said, desperate to offer some comfort. “It's going to be all right.”

Rose slowly calmed down, taking a few deep breaths. Not sure if her trembling legs could hold her weight any longer, she sat down at the kitchen table, running a hand through her hair. She let out a little laugh, rubbing at her swollen eyes.

“God, I must look like hell. I haven't even showered today,” she said. The Doctor moved to sit down on the seat opposite of her, but in the last second he stopped, remaining in his standing position. He gave her a tender smile. 

“You're always beautiful,” he said, and Rose blushed under his gaze. “I... I can see it now. You look older, a little. Your hair is shorter. It suits you.”

Rose managed a weak smile, blinking away the tears in her eyes. “How are you here? Will it be another year before you can come back?” she asked, her voice hoarse.

The Doctor's smile faded. He looked thoughtful, his eyebrows drawn together into a frown and his lips a thin line. 

“I don't know,” he said. “I wish I could give you answer, but I have honestly no idea.”

Rose let out a shaking breath, fixing her gaze on her hands.

“I don't know if I can do this,” she whispered. “It hurt, so much, that I never knew if I would see you again. I don't want to do this all over again.”

It was silent for a few seconds. “I'm sorry,” the Doctor finally said. The tone in his voice made Rose look up. He sounded tired, resigned, as if he had given up. The exact same emotions were clear on his face as he continued to speak. “I can't control this. If I could, I would never come back, not if you didn't want me to. You would have some clarity; you could move on.”

“No!” Rose cried, clasping a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob. “I don't want you to go. I want you to be here, with me, properly.”

The Doctor's shoulders slumped, and he looked as if he wanted to cry as well, although his eyes remained dry.

“I don't know that will ever happen,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. “I'm so sorry, Rose.”

Rose let out a shaking breath, rubbing her hands over her eyes to wipe away the tears, and when she looked up again the Doctor was gone. She stared at the empty spot in her kitchen for a few silent seconds before she let her tears fall.

~~~

Around noon, Rose forced herself to pull herself together and get out of bed. She covered her flushed skin with a layer of make-up, and although she couldn't do anything against her red rimmed eyes, she finally left the flat to go to her next lecture. She only hoped no one would look at her too closely. 

She wasn't sure how she should get through the day. She sat down alone in the last row of the lecture hall, trying hard to concentrate on the professor's words, but it only took a few minutes for her thoughts to drift away.

It made her chest hurt, the thought that she might not see him again for years. She still loved him. She had realized that with a painful clarity as soon as she laid eyes on him today. His presence alone made her heart beat faster and comforted her in ways no one else could.

Rose sighed, letting her gaze wander over the auditorium – and froze in her seat. 

The Doctor was standing on the stairs at the side of the room, his eyes roaming the hall in confusion until his gaze met hers. Rose's heart seemed to skip a beat. She quickly shoved her notepad and pens back into her bag, grabbed her jacket and made her way to the door. As she finally got out of the row of seats, she cast a glance back – the professor was still talking, not acknowledging her at all. She turned around with a smile on her lips, but then she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, unable to breathe for a second. 

The Doctor was gone.

Rose stood still for a moment, until she felt some people starting to look at her, and she hastily fled the room without looking back.

~~~

Her thoughts turned back to the Doctor for the rest of the afternoon. She skipped her next class, too upset for trying to pay attention, escaped a conversation with Martha by pretending to have a migraine and went straight to bed, although it was only 5pm. All the crying had left her with a pounding headache behind her temples and her inner turmoil had left her exhausted, both physically and mentally.

As soon as she was alone in her room, Rose burrowed herself into the cushions, dragging the blanket over her head in the hope that she could blend out her worries together with the rest of the world.

But it was his voice that reached her ears only minutes later.

“Rose?” the Doctor said, tentatively, and Rose sat up so fast her head was spinning. She brushed her hair out of her face and stared at him, her mouth hanging open. He stood at the other end of the bed, watching her from the distance before he came closer and sat down next to her. 

“Is everything all right?” he asked, his voice even although the worry was clear on his face.

Rose shook her head, sitting up properly and kicking her legs free of the tangled mass of blankets. “I'm confused,” she finally said, biting her lip. The Doctor raised an eyebrow in question.

“Why?” he asked, tilting his head.

“You remember that time when you appeared for the first time after a year, yeah? I dropped my coffee and everything.”

The Doctor slowly nodded. “I do. It's strangely clear in my head. How long ago was that?”

“Just this morning. This is the third time you appeared today! I saw you again around noon in my lecture, but you were gone before we could talk. It was just two minutes or something.”

“Oh.” The Doctor frowned. “That is unusual, right? We talked about this once; you said you see me every couple of days.”

“Yeah, and I mean-” Rose's voice broke. “It's been a year since the last time.”

The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again before he could say a word. His brow furrowed and he tore his gaze away from her face, deep in thought.

“Doctor, what's happening?” Rose asked, her voice small. She hugged her cushion against her belly and rested her cheek against the fluffy material, wishing nothing more than that he could give her the comfort she needed.

“I don't know,” he finally said. “I don't understand what is going on. I have a vague idea how I used to appear to you before this year. The walls of this universe are not entirely closed. They're in flux, sometimes stronger and sometimes weaker. If the walls are weak, my image can slip through, projected through a tiny crack in the universe. This is an unusual occurrence,” he said, taking a deep breath before he continued. “It shouldn't be happening. Usually, the walls of the universe should be closed, separating the Void from this world.”

“But then you couldn't be here,” Rose said, and the Doctor shook his head.

“No. I guess that's what has happened in the last year,” he said, his voice bitter and resigned.

Rose scooted closer to him, resting her hand next to his on the bed. The Doctor continued to stare at the other end of the room, his features tense.

“But it changed, yeah? I mean, you're back,” Rose said as he stayed silent.

“Yes. But I shouldn't be back. It feels different this time, and it worries me. This is all wrong.”

Rose retreated from him as if his words had burned her. She took a deep breath, averting her gaze. “Aren't you glad to be back?” she asked, not able to keep the hurt out of her voice.

The Doctor didn't miss this tone and immediately whirled around to her.

“No, Rose, you're getting this all wrong,” he said. “I'm so happy to see you.”

Rose met his eyes, and when his lips curled into a smile she couldn't help but smile with him.

“I missed you,” she said.

“I missed you too.”

Rose gave him a soft smile, lying down on the mattress and waiting until the Doctor did the same, stretching out next to her. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

“How can you know that, if you didn't even realize how much time passed?” she asked, her voice small.

“Because I always miss you. Time might not exist in the void, but that doesn't stop me from feeling it. I miss you, all the time, even now,” the Doctor said, reaching out for her but stopping his movements before he could touch her. His hand fell onto the space between their bodies and Rose turned to her side, stretching out her arm until her hand rested next to his. It was so easy to imagine that she could reach out; close the few inches of distance between their hands and entangle her fingers with his.

Rose closed her eyes, the soft sound of his breathing calming her mind. For the first time in a long while, she felt at peace.

~~~

Rose choked on her coffee when he was there again the next morning. She looked at the clock on the wall, an unsettling feeling spreading in the depths of her stomach when she saw the time. Exactly a quarter past eight; exactly the same time than the day before. 

The Doctor looked at her in confusion, before he followed her gaze to the clock.

“How much time has passed?” he asked, his brow furrowing.

“It's just the next morning,” Rose said. “Same time as yesterday.”

The Doctor shook his head in confusion.

“But that's impossible. How-”

He was interrupted when the door suddenly opened and Martha entered the kitchen. The Doctor and Rose both flinched, and he hastily took a step back Martha could walk right through him. 

Martha gave Rose a confused look.

“Whom are you talking to?” she asked, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. 

“N-no one,” Rose stuttered, setting her mug on the table with shaking hands.

The other woman stopped in her tracks to sweep her gaze over Rose. “Are you feeling all right? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

Rose nearly laughed at the irony. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the Doctor's lips twitch. He buried his hands in the pockets of his coat and walked around the table, examining Martha with a curious look. As he walked past her, Martha suddenly winced. She turned her head to the Doctor, as if she could feel him standing there. The Doctor froze, staring at her in surprise, but Martha looked right through him. After a second her face relaxed and she turned back to Rose.

“I'm okay,” Rose finally said, as Martha raised her eyebrows questioningly.

Martha gave her one last quizzical look before she turned to leave. “Okay, I've got to be at the hospital in a bit. Maybe you should take it easy today. Text me if you need anything, okay?”

Rose nodded, impatiently waiting for Martha to leave the flat before she could turn to the Doctor.

“Did she see you?” Rose asked, baffled.

“No, I don't think seeing is the right word,” the Doctor replied slowly. “But she certainly sensed me. She knew there was something.”

“How? This has never happened before.”

“I told you yesterday, something has changed. This is different than before.” He paused for a second. “I can feel it. There's a storm coming.”

Before Rose could ask what he meant, he was gone.

~~~

She wasn’t surprised when she saw him again around noon, but similar to the previous day, he was gone before she could talk to him. He was back in the late afternoon, and this time Rose didn’t even flinch when he was suddenly standing beside her as she was walking home. It just felt natural, as if he’d never been gone for a year. She greeted him with a smile and her heart skipped a beat when he smiled back as if she was the most beautiful sight in the universe.

Starting from there, he appeared again and again. Three times a day, every day, at exactly the same time. 

Rose could see the concern in his eyes when they talked about it, although he usually tried to mask it with a smile. Something was wrong, and they both knew it. Rose tried not to think about the fact that she was glad about it.

~~~

In the months that followed, there was only one exception. It was one afternoon where he didn’t appear, and it was followed by one of the worst nights Rose ever had. When he was back the next morning, exactly on time, she could have cried in relief. The Doctor looked at her, obviously confused, and she rushed to explain.

“You weren’t here yesterday evening. I was worried that-“

Her voice broke, but she didn’t need to finish the sentence for the Doctor to know what she was thinking.

“I’m still here, and I’m not going anywhere,” he said, his voice so soft and comforting that Rose could nearly believe him. She took a deep breath to calm down and raised her head to look at him.

“But what happened yesterday?”

The Doctor let out a breath, his brow furrowing. He ran a hand through his short hair, lost in thought for a minute.

“It’s a bit hazy, but I’m remembering something. Yes! I believe I was somewhere else.”

Rose’s breath caught in her throat. “Has that ever happened before?” she asked. The Doctor shook his head.

“No, not that I can remember. This is odd. It was like something was pulling me there, because there was something I needed to know. It was just a feeling, projected on me, that this place had something to do with the things that have happened. Like a telepathic connection.”

“Where were you? What did you see?”

“A tower. White halls. Laboratories, I think.” He paused for a second. “And a name.”

“Yeah?” Rose managed to ask, her voice hoarse. The Doctor let out a breath before he looked her straight in the eye. His face was tense, his brow furrowed in worry as the word came over his lips. The sound of his voice sent a shiver down her spine.

“Torchwood.”

It was silent for a few seconds before Rose could form a clear thought in her mind. 

“But… if we have a name we can do something, yeah? Find out what’s happening?” she said.

“No, it’s- guns. I remember guns. It’s not safe. Don’t get involved in this, Rose. Please. It’s too dangerous,” the Doctor pleaded. He looked genuinely terrified, and so Rose couldn’t help but nod, although every single cell in her body was screaming otherwise. 

~~~

For two weeks, Rose actually followed his advice. Then she decided that she had been involved from the moment he had first appeared at Henrik’s, and did the exact opposite.

Keeping a secret from him was difficult, but somehow she managed it. However, she finally came to the point where she had a plan all fleshed out, ready to be enacted the next morning. She needed to tell him. She had no idea what would await her there, and the thought scared her more than she wanted to admit. Both hope and fear that everything could change made her heart beat faster. But it was too late to go back. 

She sat on the bed, wringing her hands in her lap as she nervously waited for the Doctor to appear. One eye on the clock on her nightstand, Rose counted down the minutes, and then he was there. The feeling was familiar to Rose; it was like a shift in the air that made her skin tingle, so subtle she sometimes wasn’t sure if she was imagining it. She looked up from her hands to meet his gaze, a smile spreading on her lips when she saw he was already watching her.

“Hello,” he said, sweeping his gaze shortly through the room before he stepped closer to sit down next to her.

“Hi,” Rose smiled, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

“Are you all right?” the Doctor asked when he saw the look on her face, stopping in his tracks.

Rose let out a slow breath. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just… I was waiting for you. I need to tell you something.”

His body tensed, and Rose saw how he clenched his hands into fists. He went completely still, and watched her quietly for a second.

“Go on,” he said.

Rose turned to sit cross legged on the bed, facing him. She returned her gaze to her hands, nervously fumbling with a loose thread on her jumper.

“This is about Torchwood,” she finally said. The sound of him sucking in a sharp breath made her look up. “I’ve been trying to find out what it is,” she quickly continued before he had the chance to interrupt. “It was completely safe. I looked it up on the internet and all that. Officially Torchwood doesn’t exist, but there are rumours all over the internet about it. It seems to be some kind of secret government organization, something to do with aliens. No idea where that information comes from; I don’t think anyone is supposed to know about this.”

She stopped, waiting for the Doctor’s reaction. He watched her warily, needing a few seconds to find the next words.

“And? That’s not all you want to tell me, am I right?”

“Okay, so I may have… asked some people if they ever heard of it. You know, just my friends.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Rose, whatever it is that you want to tell me, spill it out,” he said.

“I talked to Martha about it, and it turns out that her cousin Adeola works there. It’s such a coincidence! I asked her if she could get me in there; and she managed to get me a job, just an internship for two weeks. It took a while; Adeola said they’re doing a background check and all that, but it worked out. I’m starting tomorrow.”

Rose watched how his face fell. He closed his eyes, breathing out a silent curse before he got up and started pacing the room. He ran a hand through his hair before he finally turned to her. “Rose, no, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” he said, the despair in his voice sounding both familiar and strange.

“What else should I do, Doctor? I can’t just stand by and do nothing, and wait until one day you never come back.”

“You could get yourself killed. I told you, Torchwood is dangerous.”

“It doesn’t matter. I can take care of myself.”

“You don’t even know what you’re doing. This is madness.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Rose asked, crossing her arms over her chest as irritation bubbled inside her veins.

“That’s not the point,” the Doctor said, raising his voice more than he ever did when talking to her. It nearly made her flinch, but she only tightened her fingers around her skin. “I don’t want to put you in danger, not when I can’t be there to help,” the Doctor continued.

Rose took a deep breath, trying to calm down before she would snap at him. “Look, I know that this is a risk, but I’m willing to take it,” she said, her voice even. “You can’t stop me from doing this.”

The Doctor paced another round through the room until he stopped in front of her. Realizing he was fighting a war he couldn’t win, he let his arms fall to his side. His shoulders slumped as the tension flooded out of his body. “Why would you do that? Rose, I’m not worth any of this.”

The words tumbled over her lips before she could think about it. But it was the only right answer to this question. “I love you,” Rose said, her voice small. 

The Doctor stopped dead in his tracks. He stared at her for a few seconds as if he couldn’t believe what he’d heard. But then his face softened, and a tentative smile appeared on his lips.

“Quite right too,” he said, a little breathless. “Rose Tyler-“ 

And with these two words he faded right before her eyes, the sentence uncompleted and its weight hanging in the air as if it would suffocate her.

For a few seconds, Rose could only stare at the empty spot in front of her, tears burning in her eyes. Finally, she let herself fall onto her bed, burying her face in her hands, and waited vainly for sleep to claim her.

The next morning she stepped into Torchwood for the first time, right into the lion’s den.

~~~

“Where is Miss Oshodi?”

Yvonne Hartman’s harsh voice made Rose wince. She looked up from her computer to see the other woman standing in the doorframe, watching her with an expectant expression on her face.

“Um, I believe she had a doctor’s appointment this morning,” Rose stuttered. Yvonne Hartman had an aura of power and arrogance radiating from her that deeply unsettled her. “Isn’t she back yet?”

“Well, obviously not. We need her for the next shift,” Hartman said. She let out a sigh, sweeping her gaze over the remaining people in the office. She wrinkled her nose before she looked back at Rose. “All right, Miss Tyler, you can cover for her this once. Mr. Evans will guide you through the procedure.”

Hartman made a gesture with her head, indicating Rose should follow her, and turned to leave before Rose could answer. Rose sat up with a start and hurried to follow her down the hall. 

Her heart was beating frantically in her chest as they approached a section of Torchwood she so far hadn’t been allowed to enter. Four days had passed in which Rose did nothing more than making coffee and sorting through paperwork. Slowly it had become frustrating, and even the Doctor hadn’t managed to find out anything when he appeared while she was at work. But she wasn’t sure how hard he had tried, as he barely wanted to let her out of his sight. Rose wanted nothing more than to talk to him, especially with the way their last conversation ended, but with her spending the whole day at Torchwood they hardly had a chance to speak. 

Nevertheless, the few things she saw were enough to convince Rose that something was going on. Restricted areas, heavily guarded, hushed voices whispering about a new project that would revolutionize the world.

Hartman walked straight though the security barrier without batting an eye at the guards and Rose followed her, desperately trying to hide her anxiety. At the end of the hall they finally reached their destination, a vast white room that sent a shiver down Rose’s spine. 

On the right side a huge office was separated from the rest of the room by a wall of glass. On the other side there were a couple of desks before the room stretched far back, ending at a white wall. Apart from two large levers and the desks, it was empty. The room unsettled Rose, although she couldn’t pinpoint the reason. Something about it made her breath hitch and the blood pound in her ears. 

Hartman’s voice pulled her roughly out of her thoughts. Rose tried not to flinch and directed her attention back to her boss.

“Mr. Evans, this is Miss Tyler,” she said, talking to a young man sitting at one of the desks. “It seems that Miss Oshodi is unavailable for the next shift. Please explain the procedure to Miss Tyler so that she is prepared when we start.”

She waited a second for Evans to nod before she whirled around and stalked back to the office behind the glass door, the clicking of her high heels on the ground echoing through the room. Rose let out a breath.

“Hi, Gareth Evans,” the man said, holding out his hand for Rose. She smiled politely, shaking his hand.

“I’m Rose. Rose Tyler.”

“All right, Rose. You can take Adeola’s desk until she comes back. The next shift is scheduled to start in thirty minutes; that should be enough to get you set up.”

He gestured for Rose to sit down, and rolled his own chair over to her as soon as she did. 

“It’s actually fairly simple; the program is all automated by now. You just have to start it when Yvonne says so and keep an eye on the energy readings,” Gareth said, opening a window on the screen and pointing to the buttons one after another. Rose tried to take in his instructions as best as she could, but her head was swimming with unanswered questions.

“But what is it for?” she finally asked when Gareth’s explanations slowly came to an end. “What is the program doing?”

“We’re opening a breach, firing particle engines at it. I don’t really understand the details myself, but it’s not important for you to operate the system.”

“But… why? What’s all this for?”

“You’ll see it when we start the shift,” Gareth explained. “The released energy is massive. We’re trying to find a way to harvest that power.”

Rose opened her mouth to ask another question when Hartman walked back into the room. 

“Right. We’re starting the shift in five minutes. Get ready,” she announced. Rose worried her bottom lip between her teeth, blood pounding in her ears.

Gareth gave her a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, there’s nothing that can go wrong if you follow the instructions. You’ll do fine,” he said, before he returned to his own desk.

Rose tried to take a few calming breaths and gripped the keyboard with sweaty hands.

“Powering up!” Hartman said, and after one last second of hesitation Rose pressed the “Start” button on the screen.

The air in the room suddenly changed. It felt cold and prickled on her skin as if a wave of static swept through the building. A low hum emerged from somewhere, growing louder with every second. Rose watched as two scientists in front of the desks gripped the levers and slowly pulled them upwards. 

Her breath caught in her throat as the wall at the end of the room suddenly started glowing, subtly at first but growing until the light was so bright that Rose had to squint to see anything in front of her.

“Online,” a computer voice said above the humming in the room. Rose returned her gaze to her screen, blinking against the gleaming of the wall. The system was running to thirty percent. She watched as the number further increased as the two levers were slowly pulled upright.

And then the Doctor appeared.

She heard him gasp somewhere on her right, and whirled her head around to look at him. His gaze was fixed on the wall, his mouth hanging slightly open as he watched the spectacle with a look of both horror and fascination on his face.

“Increase to fifty percent and stop there,” Hartman ordered, standing between the desks and watching the glowing wall with sunglasses on her nose and a smile on her lips.

“This is insane,” the Doctor breathed out. Rose could barely hear him over the humming that filled the air. She bit her lip, unable to answer, and looked back at the monitor before anyone noticed her staring at thin air. The Doctor rushed to her side, staring at her screen from behind her shoulder and studying the information displayed there.

“They’re opening a breach to the Void,” he finally said. “That’s how my image can slip through. They’re creating a hole in the fabric of reality, punching a gap in the world.”

Rose took a shaking breath and typed “what should I do?” on her screen. She heard the Doctor exhale behind her.

“There’s nothing you can do right now. If they’re following the plan, this should be over soon. Two minutes around midday, isn’t that right?”

Just like the Doctor said, Hartman finally took a step back. “Good job, everyone. We have the readings we need. Powering down.”

The levers were pulled back, and Rose watched with a racing heart how the glowing of the wall subsided slowly until it was gone, together with the Doctor.

Returning back to work, she followed the instructions Gareth had explained to her to power the system down. At last the humming stopped, leaving the room in a ghostly silence for a few seconds before the employee’s chatter started again.

Rose stood up, so fast her head was spinning. “I need the loo,” she stuttered as Gareth gave her a confused look. She walked out the room, trying her best not to run down the hall. She made in to the bathrooms, locked herself in a stall and sank down on the toilet, her legs shaking. 

Think. She needed to think. About what had happened, and what it ultimately meant for her and the Doctor. About what she could do now.

Torchwood opened a breach to the Void to harvest the energy released in the process. As a side effect, the Doctor’s image could slip through into their universe. The system was only running to fifty percent, and that was already enough for the Doctor’s projection to appear. Maybe, with a bit of luck on their side, there was even more that could be happening.

An idea popped into Rose’s head, and before she could think it through she went on with it. She quickly checked if the bathroom was empty before she grabbed the soap dispenser from the tray over the sink and slammed it into the glass covering the fire alarm. The glass broke, and a second later the room was filled with a high pitched wailing as the alarm went off.

Rose waited for a few minutes hiding in the stall, her heart racing in her chest as she heard people hurry down the hall outside. After she felt safe that everyone must have left the building, she sneaked out of the bathroom, carefully glancing down the hall before she hurried back to the lever room.

As expected, the room was deserted and the computers were still running. Hesitating only for a second, Rose rushed to her computer, opened the last window on the screen and, taking a deep breath, pressed the “Start” button.

The system powered up. Rose hurried to the levers, gripped the first one to pull it upright. The familiar humming filled the room and soon the wall behind her started to glow, casting an ominous light through the room.

“Online,” the computer said, and Rose pulled the lever further, gritting her teeth as her muscles protested against the exhaustion. She finally let it go to do the same with the other one. The humming increased by another pitch, the light glowing bright, and then she saw how the Doctor flickered to life in front of her. He whirled around, confusion and panic on his face, but he only needed a second to catch up with what was happening.

“Rose, what are you doing?” he asked, his voice hard.

Rose stopped for a second to catch her breath and met his eyes. “Your image is coming through when the breach is opened, yeah? But this thing is not running on full capacity; they’re only going to fifty percent. When we go further, maybe you can-“ Her voice broke at the anger displayed in the Doctor’s face.

“This is more dangerous than you could ever imagine. You can’t just punch a hole into the universe!”

Rose shook her head, pulling the lever further down. She passed the point of fifty percent. The Doctor rushed to her side, but she didn’t acknowledge him. If this was their only chance, their only possibility, she had to try it.

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” the Doctor yelled. Rose pressed her teeth into her bottom lip, not stopping her motions.

“Sixty percent,” the computer voice said. “Energy levels increasing.”

“Stop it!” the Doctor shouted again. He jerked his hand forward, just out of reflex, and Rose already anticipated the familiar spark that went through her body every time his translucent form went through her. But it didn’t come this time. 

Instead, the Doctor’s fingers curled around her arm in a steady grip, his skin cool on hers. 

Rose jerked her head up in surprise to look at the Doctor’s face. It showed all the emotions she was feeling as well. Shock and confusion and wonder, and something more, something he tried to hide, but failed desperately. Hope.

His fingers brushed over her skin, as if he couldn’t believe what he was feeling. Rose stared down at his hand on her arm, his skin still translucent but somehow different, firmer than the rest of his body. More colourful. She looked back into his eyes, and the Doctor pulled his hand back. Instead, he placed it next to hers on the lever. A silent approval. He didn’t want to say the words, but when she continued to pull the lever he gripped his hand around it so hard his knuckles went white.

Together, they pushed it even further. Rose grimaced when it resisted, but slowly they succeeded.

“Eighty percent. Energy reaching critical levels,” the computer said, nearly drowned out by the humming in the air. The lever grew hot under her hand, and Rose yelped when it suddenly emitted sparks that burned her skin. She drew her hand back, realizing too late that they had gone too far.

She didn’t have time to react. With a deafening bang, the base of the lever exploded right in front of her. For a second, there was only noise and blinding light. Then, before she knew what was happening, there was pain shooting through her back as it hit the ground, and a heavy weight on top of her.

Rose gasped, the ringing in her ears making it impossible to think. She tried to shove against the weight on top of her, but it effectively pinned her down. As she slowly regained her senses, she realized it wasn’t something but someone.

The Doctor was splayed out on top of her, after protecting her from the explosion in the last second. Before Rose could comprehend the thought, he pushed himself up and grabbed her hand, pulling her to her feet. Rose swayed, feeling light headed and confused as if the inside of her head had been replaced by cotton.

“We have to get out of here,” she heard the Doctor say, his voice muffled in her ears. Without protesting, she let him pull her with him.

They made it out of the building without being caught by anyone. Rose couldn’t really tell how, her mind still slowly catching up, but then they rushed out of the back door and the cool air around them slowly pulled her back into reality. The Doctor’s hand was still firm in hers, and he didn’t stop running until they had dashed down the street and turned around a corner, the Torchwood building finally out of sight. 

He stopped abruptly, leaning his back against the brick wall, breathing hard. His gaze swept over her.

“Rose, are you okay?” he asked. 

“Yeah, I’m- I’m fine,” she said, nodding. The ringing in her ears had subsided, and while her legs still felt like jelly she was sure she wasn’t injured. “What just happened?”

The Doctor let out a chuckle. “I guess we blew up their whole system.”

“But-“ Rose said, her voice breaking. She shook her head in disbelief before she reached out for him, gently placing a hand on his chest. His body was firm. Not see-through but actually there, real, with her in this universe. The leather felt rough under her skin and she could feel his rapidly beating hearts under her fingertips.

“You’re here,” she breathed out, barely able to believe her eyes. “The system exploded and the shift stopped but you’re still here.”

“Yes,” the Doctor said, his voice full of wonder. Rose raised her gaze to his face to see him looking at her with a tender expression on his face. “Thanks to you.”

Tears burning in her eyes, Rose threw her arms around the Doctor’s neck, the urge to feel his body as close as possible to hers simply overwhelming. He returned the hug with equal enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around her back and burying his nose in her hair. Rose felt his body tremble under hers. She pressed her face against his shoulder, breathing in his scent and enjoying the warmth against her. The Doctor was laughing, although she could feel wet tears on his cheeks.

“I’m here,” the Doctor finally said, his voice trembling. “I’m actually here, in this universe. And I’m not going anywhere. Not without you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are done! Thank you all for reading. I had lots of fun writing this, and I hope you enjoyed this as well.

**Epilogue**

 

Once Rose had wrapped her arms around the Doctor’s neck, she never wanted to let go again. She took in a shuddering breath, barely able to believe her senses. But even as seconds passed and turned into minutes, his body was still solid against hers. His hands were still stroking her back, as if he couldn’t believe the sensations either. His breath was still hot against her neck, and his curls stayed soft and smooth as she ran her fingers through his hair.

Finally, after what felt like ages, Rose reluctantly pulled back until she could see his face. She ran her fingers over his cheeks, his skin rough and wet with tears, and grinned back when the Doctor’s lips curled into a beaming smile.

It was a different smile than all the ones she had seen on his face before. He looked younger and happier than ever, with the look of despair and fatigue that used to linger in his eyes replaced by a sparkling joy and genuine hope.

There was no way Rose could have walked back into Torchwood at that moment, so she and the Doctor made their way home, hand in hand, as if it had never been different.

The Doctor grew paler with every second, his muscles not used to the pull of gravity after the Void, his hearts stumbling as they tried to find a rhythm after they were so suddenly thrown back into existence. As soon as they arrived in Rose’s flat, the Doctor crashed into her bed, and all Rose could do was curl up next to him and watch him sleep in concern.

At some point in the evening Rose must have fallen asleep as well. When she woke it was already dark, the duvet was draped over her and the bed beside her was empty.

For a second she panicked, but then she heard a rumbling coming from the kitchen. Rose darted out of bed and ripped open the door, holding her breath.

The kitchen was in chaos. Screws and wires and other mechanical parts were scattered all over the counter and the table, and in the middle of it sat the Doctor. Rose took a second to watch him fiddle with a small device in his lap before she cleared her throat.

With the smile he gave her when he looked up, Rose couldn’t be mad at him for dismantling the radio, the microwave and the toaster to build something he called a sonic screwdriver. He quickly reassured her that he was feeling fine, with sleep restarting his system, and before she could protest he had grabbed her hand and hauled her directly into the next adventure.

Rose had never expected that she would break into a high security government facility in the middle of the night, but here she was, sneaking into Torchwood together with the Doctor who carefully dismantled every camera and alarm with his sonic screwdriver before they walked down the next hallway.

Somehow they made it to the top of the building without getting caught. Rose’s heart was hammering in her chest, her blood pounding in her ears so loudly she was sure the Doctor must be able to hear it. But with his hand in hers, she felt safe and secure, despite the danger they put themselves in, and she enjoyed the adrenaline coursing through her veins that made her feel invincible.

Before she knew it they were entering the lever room, ducking under the tape that closed off the entrance. Her breath caught at the sight of the vast room, looking even more threatening in the dark and with the dark burn marks on the floor around the lever. A shiver ran down her spine, and Rose wrapped her arms around herself as the Doctor let go of her hand to start one of the computers.

Without losing any time he hacked into the file system, and Rose watched how he erased the complete records of the project and the camera footage of the day. Rose suspected they were just in time – if someone had checked the recording before, she was sure she wouldn’t be standing there.

When he was done, the Doctor seemed more relaxed, tension leaving his shoulders and worry dissolving from his features. He grinned at Rose and they fell into a hug, giggling like teenagers as they enjoyed the unfamiliar physical contact, before they broke apart and made their way back down the stairs.

They had only made it down a few floors before the Doctor suddenly staggered. He stopped abruptly in his tracks and swayed on his feet, leaning his shoulder against the wall for support. Rose rushed to wrap an arm around his waist as his knees buckled and called his name, her voice getting more desperate as the Doctor didn’t register any of her words. Closing his eyes he let out a slow breath, and when he opened them again the look on his features had changed to disbelief. His shoulders shook with silent laughter.

Before he could explain what was going on, he grabbed Rose’s hand and rushed down the stairs, down to the basement where he ripped open a door to a vast room filled with shelves that reached up high to the ceiling. The archives, Rose managed to read on a sign next to the door before the Doctor darted inside. She struggled to keep up with him as he ran down an aisle, past all kind of artefacts that Rose suspected to be of alien origin, until he came to an abrupt stop in front of a large, blue box.

Breathing hard, Rose swept her gaze over the box, shaking her head in confusion at the look of pure joy on the Doctor’s face.

“What’s a police box?” she finally asked, still a bit out of breath. The Doctor took another step forward, placing his hand on the rough wood and closing his eyes at the contact. His lips curled into a smile, and he stood still for a few seconds before he whirled around to Rose.

“It’s not a police box. She only looks like a police box,” he said with a mischievous spark in his eyes. “I’ll show you.” With these words, he pulled a key out of his pocket, unlocked the door and stepped aside, gesturing for her to enter first.

Rose’s breath hitched as she slowly stepped inside. A warm hum welcomed her and the console in the middle, dark and lifeless before now, brightened the slightest bit, casting a low light throughout the vast room. She shook her head in disbelief as the Doctor stepped to her side.

“It’s bigger on the inside,” Rose said, a little breathless. The Doctor laughed, a happy, carefree laugh that etched itself into her memory. He rushed to the console, placing his hands on the metal and gently stroking the surface.

“Rose, may I introduce you to the TARDIS,” he finally said, a smile in his voice. “She’s my ship. One of the emergency programs must have been activated before the war ended, sending her back to Earth. Torchwood probably recognized her as something alien, although they didn’t know how to get inside.”

Rose joined him at the console, watching how the Doctor walked around the controls, pulling levers and pressing buttons until the ship slowly came back to life, the room brightening while the hum increased by another pitch. A relentless energy radiated from the Doctor, together with utter contentment that made Rose smile. Something about this image, the Doctor standing behind the console of his ship, operating the system as the glow of the central column illuminated his face, just felt right to her.

Later, when they were swirling in space around a supernova that burned in all colours Rose could imagine, the Doctor finally said the three words to complete the sentence he had started a week back. When he framed her face with his hands as if she was the most precious person in the world and finally pressed his lips down to hers for the first time, Rose thought she would burst with all the feelings inside her. Love and happiness coursed through her veins together with a building arousal as he kissed her exactly like she had wanted for so long.

She knew that it wouldn’t be easy for them, not after everything the Doctor went through, but in that moment Rose was sure that they would be all right. They were the Doctor and Rose Tyler, in the TARDIS, just as it should be.


End file.
